Love and Death
by vironica nightshadow
Summary: bella is a vampire living with her cousins, she meets the cullens at a voturi party and edward notices her in ways other mn couldnt. she pulls away fo reasons that she has never told anyone, or at least the whole truth. edward will do anything to pull her out of the darkness that has tooken her over. Will the Volturi approve? Gothic Bella!
1. Chapter 1

**Love and death**

Bella meets the Cullen's at a volturi party, Edward becomes quite taken with her but she pulls away for reasons and memories that are always in her head. She meets Edward and those memories and reason go away and it's like her whole world has shifted so that she revolves around him… but she is also afraid that it won't last long and that he will leave her and it will only make her worst. She chooses to stick around her cousins alex, and selena. Will Edward ever get past those barriers that she has put up ever since she was changed? Also Bella is only a few months old in vampire years.


	2. the young vampire

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**Edward's pov**

I didn't see why we had to come here. We were in Voltera for some stupid celebrations; we came in a plane with the Denali coven. That coven was much like ours; we both feed off animals and tried to live in harmony with humans, so why were we going to a place where they fed on humans? As we landed, Tanya was sitting next to me trying to flirt, but I was actually trying to have an intelligent conversation. I am not saying that Tanya wasn't intelligent but she was always trying to flirt with me, so I never really seen her intelligence. She was talking about her new pink dress that she was wearing.

We got off the plane and got our luggage and ran to Volturi's. We walked around trying to find our rooms when we ran into a girl coming around the corner. She was beautiful; she had long black hair which she had in a low side ponytail. She had purple highlights that went all the way down her wavy hair. High cheek bones but you couldn't see her eyes because they were hidden behind a pair of sunglasses. Then I looked at her clothing and saw a purple mini dress with black flower like designs and black ruffles underneath, along with black fish net tights and combat boots. With a jean like jacket .I caught her scent and it smelled like strawberries and freesia and a fresh ocean breeze. It was very weird. She had a terrified look on her face when she saw us. Probably because of the size of our family.

'_Poor thing she looks scared.'_ Thought Esme as loving as always.

'_He is looking at her like she is a goddess, I wish he would look at me like that' _thought Tanya and it took me a second to figure out who she was talking about and I realized it was me, was I really staring at her like that? I tried to see what she thought of me…or I mean of us all…nothing…still nothing…how is that possible…

"Hello." Said Carlisle in a friendly calm voice

"Hi" she said softly in a beautiful voice

"Are you lost?" he asked and she shook her head.  
" actually I am running from Demetri and Felix, because the idiots are hitting on me." She said in an annoyed tone.

"How old are you?" Carlisle asked

"Well if I told you, you would think I don't have my thirst under control." She said

"Come on." Said Emmet in a playful voice.  
"Fine I am 1 year, 4 months, 1 week, 5 days, 15 hours, 38 minutes, and 52 seconds old." She said and we just stared at her.  
"You kept track?" Tanya said in an insulting tone.

"Oh, you know just counting my time in hell." She said not hearing Tanya's tone; we all laughed except Tanya she narrowed her eyes.

"Isn't it polite to take off the glasses and introduce your self?" she asked and the girl stared for a long moment and took off her glasses, we all gasped at what I saw, she looked like she hadn't fed in months her irises were almost black around her almond shaped black eyes . her lips were a cherry color and she had a little eyeliner on but other than that she did have much on which was good because she didn't need the make up.

"Oh my, when was the last time you fed?" Esme asked and the girl shrugged like it was nothing.  
"About 5 months ago." She said like she was used to it. We gasped again. "I only feed when I need to." She added

"But doesn't the thirst bother you?" jasper asked kind of upset even a newborn was doing better than him in the bloodlust.

"I try not to let it." She said simply and put her sun glasses back on. "Anyways how did you guys get your eye gold, I would like to try; it would make me look less of a monster."

Carlisle was about to answer when two girls came walking down the hallway. "Bella! There you are we have been looking for you all over the place!" said one of them; they were dressed like the girl I was guessing named Bella. One of them had dark brown hair and sun glasses on, her hair was shoulder length and was pulled back with Bobbi pins with red highlights, and she was about Bella's size and had on a purple and black corset that tied around the neck along with a mini skirt. She had black tights on and ankle boots.

The other one was taller and I guess the oldest. She had a black dress on that looked like it was strapless but actually had laces around the top showing skin. She had black tights and black flats on with sun glasses. They stared at us with caution in their eyes.

"Don't worry guys; they aren't going to try anything." Bella said then she looked us and said "these are my cousins Selena Miller," she said as she pointed to the oldest one. "And Alex Vento, And I am Bella Swan." She pointed at the other one with short brown hair. "I never did catch your guy's names."

"I am Carlisle, this is my wife Esme, and Alice and Jasper, and this is Rosalie and Emmet, and Edward." He said as he pointed us out.

"I am Carmen and this is my Eleaznor and Tanya and Kate and Irina." She pointed them out.

"Belllaaa!" the girl turned as Felix and Demetri walk toward her and kissed her hand even though she tried to put it out of their reach, I almost growled. "So would you like a tour of the castle?"

"No thank you." She said flatly, still trying to pull her hand out of Felix's. He stared at her with lust filled eyes and I almost lost it. Could they not take a hint?

"Uh guys remember we have that thing with that thing?" Bella said in a voice that said 'please buy it'. "It was nice meeting you guys but we have really got to go." She said as she glanced over at the idiot brothers. "We hope to see you at the festival and ball. Bye." She said as she dragged her cousins with her.

I hoped I would see her soon.

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	3. going back to memories

**Okay this is Bella's pov because I feel you should get to know her before you misunderstand her darkness. i forgot to mention this but i have links for Alex, Bella, and Selena nd what they showed up in. **

**Bella's pov**

That was the first time I saw Edward Cullen and I knew it wouldn't be the last time. What was wrong with me, I didn't even talk to the guy directly and I was already thinking about him. More like obsessing. I really shouldn't allow myself to do this but I couldn't help it, he was looking at me like I was very special, you know in the good way, not just the lust filled eyes that men always gave me. This was the first time I was really even gave a man a second look, in a long time… it seems for me since the accident; well it was an accident to me but not to them. Then I looked down at my flat stomach and I almost allowed my eyes to fill with venom tears but then I remembered that my cousins were there.

Selena and Alex were really my biological cousins, see they had went missing a few years before and I found out they had been change when the vampires found them during a camping trip. They found me about a month after I was changed. I went into a deep depression and couldn't come out until I took a really close look at my cousins and saw what I was doing to them. I was making them sad and I knew that I should come out of this depression to make them feel better. I was hurting people who were only trying to help me; even if I wasn't meaning to. Then I saw a hand move in front of my face and I knew it was time to come out of my deep lonely thoughts.

"Uhoo! Bella are you there?" asked Alex, Alex was a gothic fasionista. She always had to have the best threads and cloth. She was the one who made our clothing or just bought it. She made sure we had awesome combat boots and nice leather jackets. She did my purple highlights and always told me how I should do my hair. She made more appropriate gothic clothing for Selena because she was older and had to at least look as responsible as she really was for a gothic. She was like a sour patch, one minute she was sour and then the next she was sweet. She was very protective of us and didn't let anyone say or do anything that would harm us.

"Yeah I am fine." I said as I bit my bottom lip and looked at her.

"Are you sure, Hun?" asked Selena always worrying, if she wasn't a vampire I was sure she would break out, I always joked around with about that and she always said that someone had to worry. I knew she was right.

"Yeah I am good." I said as I gave her a bright smile, trying my best to hide my sadness. I knew she could see through but decided not to push me which I was glad for. I also knew why she didn't push me and that only made me sadder, she was afraid I was going to fall back into that deep depression but that is not what I was going to do. I was not going to put her or Alex through that again even if it meant I would have to lie to l them and say I was fine when really I was hurting all over and never wanted to get out of bed even though I can not sleep.

"Let's go back to our rooms." I told them and looped my arms through theirs and skipped like Dorothy down the yellow brick road back to our rooms even though we were in hell instead of Kansas or where ever town it was she was in. I think I should know since I used to live there and I do remember going to Dorothy's house, but I couldn't remember where it was.

I went my own way back in _my own_ room, I always had to have my own room because I had moments or hour or even days to myself and they knew it. I let my self fall on the bed and I kicked off my boots and just dry sobbed in to the pillows, I let my hand go to my stomach and it found nothing but a flat surface. I cried even harder. I retreated under the blankets and closed my eyes; even though I couldn't sleep I still had daydreams.

_~Bella's daydream~ _

"_Are you sure mom? Because I can stay home." I asked hoping she would let me. I was a local singer and I had a gig in Seattle for a party. I didn't like leaving her by her self._

"_No Isabella, I have disrupted your life for far too long. Its time you start being a normal teenager for once." She said, she always said that, but I couldn't help being protective. I guess in this relationship I was the mother figure and she was daughter figure even though she is the one who gave birth to me. "I love you sweetie now go. Have fun." She said as she pushed me out the door and to my old truck. I got in and sighed as I turned it on hoping that she would be okay. She waved as I drove off._

_What I didn't know was that would be the last time I saw my mother._

_~End of Bella's daydream~ _

I dry sobbed as I thought of the last time I saw her and how she kissed my head when I was younger when she gave me a cookie. How she would have the stupidest but funniest ideas. Then I heard a knock at the door and I really hoped it wasn't anyone I knew. I was wrong I look through the hole and saw it was Edward; I striated myself out and opened the door with a smile. But I didn't think he bought it because he just frowned and walked in.

"Why don't you come in?" I asked sarcastically as I closed my door.

" how were you changed?" he asked and I flinched because when I told people I never told them all of it but I had a feeling he would know if I was not telling him all of it or lying. I decided I would tell him the whole truth and nothing but the truth because I hear it good to let it out and even better to let it out to a stranger because they would not judge you. So I just nodded.

"Okay I will tell you that I was an uprising singer, I used to write some slow love songs but the recorder producer didn't like that; he wanted me to because a heartbreaker and all of that. Well, I was doing a gig in Seattle at a school game and I was also a cheerleader and as I was coming home I got a flat in the middle of nowhere, it was around midnight and I had to drive carefully so that I was right outside of Port Angeles. I go out and grabbed some quarters so that I could make a call in the phone booth. I got my mom and told her I was right outside of Port Angeles and that I needed her to call a tow truck.

As I was coming back I saw some guys staring at me ,I was still in my cheerleading outfit so I turned away and walked the other way until I felt one grab my wrist and broke it so I kicked him in the groin and I took off running. The another guy jumped on my back and I knew I was caught but I wasn't going to be broken that easily so I made it hard for them but all that got me was punches and slaps and kicks. I tried not to scream and show them my pain because that only made them laugh and hit me harder .All six raped me and after what felt like forever they walked off to let me die right there in the streets. Then I heard someone and I tried to get away thinking that it was them coming back for another round. Then a blonde guy with gray eyes came up and helped and he wanted to call the police but I got him to stop and at least get me to the car and then he called them.

I was rushed to the hospital and my mom was frantic and they tried so hard to calm her down but nothing would. Finally she did and took me home. Things went back to normal until a few months after recovering I started getting morning sickness and I knew that there was something wrong so I went out to buy a pregnancy test. I found out and started to freak out. I didn't know whether to be happy or not because I was having a baby but I was having the baby whose father I didn't know but I did know he was a monster. I knew in the end I was happy because I was going to be a mother and I was going to have a reason to live. I would love my baby unconditionally and that I was going to do my best to take of it.

Then I realized Renee couldn't know about this. She would want to kill my precious baby; she would try and make me get an abortion. I decided it was best that she didn't know about the baby and that I would go off on my own. Find my own job and apartment and take care of that baby on my own. That's exactly what I did. I worked as a waitress at night and in a gas station in the day. I worked all through the 9 months and I knew that I should not have but I needed to so that I could support my baby. While I was walking from my job as a waitress to my truck and I was going to go back to my apartment that I was able to get with my college tuition, it's not like there was much in it anyways. Then something fast threw me up against a brick wall and was gone before I could see it closely. Then a woman with red hair stopped him from finishing me off.

"_She is at least nine months pregnant. James, I want her baby."_ She said looking at my stomach and I tried to cover it and protect it but they held my arms back.

"_Let's try and get it out of her, then."_ Said the blonde vampire, they got me to an abandoned warehouse and then started to stress me out even more than I had already been. Then they did something I didn't know what it was but it burned and it made me want to push the baby out and that's exactly what I did. They knocked me out but I could still kind of hear the sound of my baby's wails as they took him or her away."

He stared at me with pity and reach for my hand and usually when a man did that I would flinch away but I didn't do that with him, I actually welcomed his touch.

"I didn't even get to touch my baby or see my baby. I didn't know what the gender was, or anything. I don't know if my baby even survived or not. When I woke up I woke like this, a monster. I tried to search for them but I never did. I was always killing people, not on purpose but still. Then my cousins found me in Seattle one night and they remembered me from a family party and I have been with them ever since but I have never told them about the baby. In fact I have never told anyone about the baby, until now."

I said with tears in my eyes, I was looking at him but my mind was far away in the past. "That's horrible they changed you, and took your baby. You really wanted that baby, didn't you?" he said as he took both my hands in his, I nodded.

"Maybe, I didn't plan it but you can't change the past but I was okay because I knew I would always that baby no matter who's its father was. I knew I was going to try my hardest to give it what ever it needed." I said; my voice cracking at the end and for some reason he pulled me into his arms and comforted me while I dry sobbed. It was weird seeing I didn't know the guy but I really could care less. I had never done this in front of anyone, not even my cousins; they always only saw the dead part of me. The one that looked like a zombie, and the one that rarely thirsted for blood.

Edward was stroking the back of my head and even though I was sad, I was glad he was there to comfort me. He didnt talk but he didnt need to, to know he felt what I felt and that was confused about my was happening to me?

**What did you think of Bella's story? Review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I am so sorry for those who have been waiting for me to update on this story. Things haven't been going well for me at all. My parents are going through a divorce and can't seem to stop fighting. My grades are going down and my dad's pressuring me to get good grades.**

**He blew a gasket when he found out my grade in algebra. My friends think that I am being an insecure girl when I say I am getting fat.**

**You know what I am not going to bore you with my life story because that is not what you came here for.**

**Enjoy.**

**Bella's pov**

It's been an hour since Edward left and I decided to get ready. I wore my hair in loose curls and pinned it so it was to one side of my head. I put very little make up some dark red lipstick and red eye shadow. It matched the red strapless mini dress that I was had black lace covering combat boots and I was ready to was a dress in black or red ball. I looked at the schedule was given when I had gotten my Volturi wanted a party on almost every.

I was barely thinking about anything but mind kept wondering back to him.

What did he think about me before I told him my story?

What did he think about me after I told him my story?

Did he think of me as some sullen gothic teen? That maybe I wanted to be a vampire?

Did he think of me as a dirty skank who obviously didn't fight hard enough when she was getting raped? Because if she did, she wouldn't have gotten pregnant and her baby wouldn't be with a bunch of human killing vampires or dead, right?

I flinch at that last thought. Who am I kidding? I flinched at all of it. I didn't want him thinking of me like that. I didn't want him thinking that I didn't fight my hardest that night. And I didn't want to think that my baby was dead. I can't tell you if I want my baby alive and living with those_things_that took him or her. I wasn't going to call my baby 'it'.

Anyway I also didn't want him to think it was open season for men to get me into bed. Okay all I have to do is explain to him that I have never done anything like that, I still wanted to be a virgin.

It was 2 minutes to 6:00 which was the time I was supposed to be there and meet my cousins. I grabbed my black velvet clutch and headed out the door with a fake smile printed on my face. It was going to be a long night.

I got there at 6:01 and most of the guests were already there. I heard the rest of them of them cheating on their mate though. Selena almost popped her top when she found me.

"Where have you been?" she hissed. God now she was going to make me feel guilty.

"Geez, I was late by 3 minutes." I said sarcastically, it was a new record at least. I was usually_4_minutes late.

"Bella, kill me for worrying about you and your cousin's safety." she said throwing her arms up only to put them back down hastily when people looked at her like she was insane.

I snorted, pointing to her forehead but knowing that it was impossible for her to get a zit. "Watch it; you are growing a red bump right there."

Selena touched her head and I guess she remembered that she couldn't put her hand down and glared at me.

"Shut up and help me look for your cousin." She said and looked around.

I joined her search for my cousin, sighing when I finally did spot her. Alex was surrounded by men. She is such an attention hog. She loves attention; she brought that from her human life to her immortal life.

"Found her!" I said walking up to the group of men. I push and shoved my way through until I was able to grab her hand.

"Come on JLO! Mother is waiting for us." I said pulling her out and over to Selena. During this Alex was holding her breath and looking paler than usual, something I couldn't understand. Then I got it.

I had just pushed a bunch of powerful vampire men out of the way!

I shrugged, oh well. If they wanted to do something they would have already done I don't just mean the dirty way. I returned Alex back to Selena and walked off to go on an adventure.

"Bella-" Selena said but I was already too far to hear her, not that I couldn't but you know I just didn't want to.

When was I ever going to be able to meet new people who were the same as me? Trying to do the impossible and hold their blood lust in for now. Sure I had been doing it way longer than them because I hadn't fed but they were older and much more experienced.

I found the Cullen's talking to another coven; Edward was looking around until his eyes met mine. We both grinned at each other and Edward started to walk towards me.

"Edward where are you going?" a blonde man with a hint of a southern accent but a short pixy-like girl pulled him back and flashed a bright smile at me and I had to smile back.

"Hi." I said shyly. My god what was he doing to me? I sounded like a little schoolgirl!

"Hi." He mimicked.

I looked into his gold eyes. It looked like he was wearing a black tux with a red rose in the pocket. I cleared my throat and looked down.

"I have to tell you something. I don't want you confusing me of a girl who has a lot of guys. I didn't mean to invite you into my bed and...that sounded completely and utterly wrong." I said, if I could I would be laughed loudly and Edward gently pulled my head back up by my chin so that I would look into his gold eyes.

I have no idea how long we stood there but we were pulled out by the bratty Tanya.

"Oh Bella don't you look sweet in your little dress." She said; I had a feeling that she didn't like the way my dress looked better than what she was wearing. Her dress of choice was a long black dress that had a cut in the side that was way too high for my liking.

I turn frowned for a moment before putting a fake smile on. I had grown used to putting a fake smile on for people. I realized that when I looked at Edward, I didn't need to fake it. I smiled because he's a little corny.

"Thank you Tanya. I think your dress style was a marvelous choice."

'For you.' I thought chuckling on the inside. Even when I didn't want too, I knew how to be civil to people who didn't even deserve it and I could tell that she didn't like me.

"So Edward wanna dance?" she asked in a flirtatious voice but to me it sounded like nails on a chalkboard. I think that was jealousy in my veins. I could see he didn't want to dance with I guessed I would have to save him.

"Actually Tanya, Edward promised he would dance with me." I gave her my best 'I hate you and you know it but he is mine' smile and she walked away.

"Your welcome." I said in a bright voice and he grinned at me.

"Well I believe I owe you a dance Ms. Isabella." He said satisfied.

I didn't think he would go for!

**Thats it for now! I would like to thank my Beta-Reader, SophieRosalieHale.**


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